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- Kuya Don
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Dating Dilemma
Q I know I shouldn't date someone of a different religion, but what about a different denomination?
A There's no rule about denominations. If two people have faith in Jesus Christ, and want to follow him, there's no biblical reason they shouldn't date.
I would add this, though: If you do get serious, it's important that you can share the same Christian fellowship. You don't want to be an isolated couple. Rather, you want to be part of a community of Christians. When different denominations (or different worship styles) are involved, this can be a challenge. In extreme cases I've known married couples who went to different churches, even though they were both Christians. They just couldn't agree on where to worship, and neither one of them would compromise!
That's not a result anybody wants. So it's a good idea to ask early on: Can we worship together?
A There's no rule about denominations. If two people have faith in Jesus Christ, and want to follow him, there's no biblical reason they shouldn't date.
I would add this, though: If you do get serious, it's important that you can share the same Christian fellowship. You don't want to be an isolated couple. Rather, you want to be part of a community of Christians. When different denominations (or different worship styles) are involved, this can be a challenge. In extreme cases I've known married couples who went to different churches, even though they were both Christians. They just couldn't agree on where to worship, and neither one of them would compromise!
That's not a result anybody wants. So it's a good idea to ask early on: Can we worship together?
I Just Want to Be Friends
QI went out with this girl at my church one time, but we broke up because we were better off just friends. We stayed friends, but lately she has been very touchy-feely with me, and is always hugging me. It makes me uncomfortable to have her acting like this. What should I do?
A Talk to her. If you feel uncomfortable, chances are very good that she's dying inside. She's probably wondering whether she should talk to you.
Make your talk with her as comfortable as possible. Find a place where you'll have privacy, and have uninterrupted time to talk. Don't start the conversation by asking her what she's feeling—that will just put her on the spot. Do express what you're feeling and thinking.
She should understand that the original decision to stop dating was a good one, because you've been able to stay good friends. Let her know her friendship is important to you. Then carefully and gently explain that you're uncomfortable and confused when she hugs you and pays a lot of attention to you. Her actions make you wonder what's going on. Explain that your feelings haven't changed. You still very much want to be her friend, but you aren't interested in romance. When you've finished explaining your feelings, ask her how she feels about what you've said.
I'm sure it won't be easy to have this talk with her. And I imagine you'll get a very emotional reaction. Your friend may shed tears, she may be angry, she may even say mean words to you. Is it worth it? I think so. This way she gets the dignity of knowing where she stands, and she can begin to move on. It may not be easy for her, nor for you, but uncertainty has to be worse.
A Talk to her. If you feel uncomfortable, chances are very good that she's dying inside. She's probably wondering whether she should talk to you.
Make your talk with her as comfortable as possible. Find a place where you'll have privacy, and have uninterrupted time to talk. Don't start the conversation by asking her what she's feeling—that will just put her on the spot. Do express what you're feeling and thinking.
She should understand that the original decision to stop dating was a good one, because you've been able to stay good friends. Let her know her friendship is important to you. Then carefully and gently explain that you're uncomfortable and confused when she hugs you and pays a lot of attention to you. Her actions make you wonder what's going on. Explain that your feelings haven't changed. You still very much want to be her friend, but you aren't interested in romance. When you've finished explaining your feelings, ask her how she feels about what you've said.
I'm sure it won't be easy to have this talk with her. And I imagine you'll get a very emotional reaction. Your friend may shed tears, she may be angry, she may even say mean words to you. Is it worth it? I think so. This way she gets the dignity of knowing where she stands, and she can begin to move on. It may not be easy for her, nor for you, but uncertainty has to be worse.
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